And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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