Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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