Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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