So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize