You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize