my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Randomize
