So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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