My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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