Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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