Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
