The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
