I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm sobbing to NWA
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
