There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
