I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
