I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is wine microwaveable?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
