mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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