I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
