we're blogging at a bar
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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