He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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