Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
