For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
