what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
