I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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