theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
