No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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