I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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