Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
