He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
