My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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