I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
