Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
