Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
