i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
