It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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