Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
