I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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