I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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