kristin has been a bad kristin
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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