haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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