There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
