After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
