Please, let me fuck your mom
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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