you guys were way drunker than both of me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
