I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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