They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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