i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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