You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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