nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
