Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
