So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
