I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
