come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
