Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
