Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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