Where did you get a picture of my penis
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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