Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
