You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm too high and old for this...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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