Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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