Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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