Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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