how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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