Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
