We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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