last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
