that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
