Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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