I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
