I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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