It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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