How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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